Ripped open

have you ever had someone who meant so much to you, do something to make you never again as long as you live ever talk to them again? Well I have. Someone who was my oldest friend decided to let their jealous, prideful, selfish heart get in the way of something that could have been blown over in the wind. They choose to make me the bad guy when deep down in my heart I knew I had done nothing wrong. A another friend of mine and this person had a disagreement and it went to far, I was upset but choose to move past it. I reached out on different levels yet I was the one who wasn't doing enough? Yeah that happened. It got to the point where I took a stand and said enough was enough. They didn't show up to my wedding and that was the final straw that broke the camels back. They tell me moments will come and go and I couldn't believe that. This was my wedding day not some birthday party. Right now I sit here writing everything, to get it out of my head and off my heart. What this person did to me will never be forgiven now I will move past it because its the right thing to do but I will never let them in my heart again. I wish I could tell them lets act like it never happened but then I feel like that means they could do it again and it will be okay. I built my life and had to rebuild it and they weren't always supportive then so I am not sure much will change in the future. It's hard when this person is or was so close to me. I have tried to harden my heart to the world but then I feel like the wicked queen or someone else. I cant find a happy balance in the middle, which isn't fair to the ones nearest to me. My husband is such an amazing and gifted man. He could go work on his toys for hours and come inside dripping wet from his sweat and still help me do the dishes. I wish I could have that much strength but then again he is my rock for a reason. This person hurt not only me but my husband by their actions. That is something else I am having to deal with. They hurt the man I love more than life itself. He told me we will never do anything for this person again and in that moment I said okay. Now, I am lost. Do I try and fix what I didn't break in the first place or let go and move on? I am not even sure the last option in even an option to be honest with myself. How do you run away from that feeling of home? Right now with all these storms brewing, I cant bring myself to think of anything else but the safety of my little family right now. I love writing here because it helps me breathe, I feel lighter already which is insane to me. I have held all of this hurt in for so long I felt it making me an ugly person and all I want to be is pretty.