Breathe

You ever feel like there is a semi truck laid frame on your chest? NO that's just me? well that sucks and I am getting sick of feeling like a princess that needs to be saved every single day. I know deep down that I am stronger than that but here lately its been the same shit day in and day out. Wake up and not wanting to get my ass out of bed, I have thought about waking up early to work out then I wake up a few times during the night and cant fall asleep, that sucks the most. Hence why I keep headphones on my night stand. I will never get why some people feel that God gave them the right to make others feel less than a ant. I don't get why I get so mad when people have been told their job i don't know maybe a hundred times yet here we are dealing with the same shit again. I hate the feeling that I will never amount to anything here because I am young and a woman. I get it I work with semi's but who the fuck cares, I am not out underneath them rebuilding the engine so why does it matter what my experience level is? I work with papers? Do I need to know a lot for my postilion yes your dam right I do but never once have I said that's to much or that's not my job like most of my team says on a daily basis as they are throwing me under the bus for something. Yes it sucks being new to this world I am working in but I am scared of it, I love to learn and holy shit there is a lot to learn here so that makes me really happy. RANT OVER...FOR NOW

RAIN

RAIN, has to be my least favorite four letter word.

As a Harvey flood victim I haven't even wanted to be in a bathtub full of water for more than 5 minutes, there is something about the uncontrollable motion that water is made up of. My heart breaks and my stomach drops every time I hear rain drops falling on the ground. There wasn't lighting during the flood that I can remember but my head wasn't even attached to my body that day. I remember the night before we lost everything but what made us well us. I never thought I could be so lost. I felt like more than all my materials things had floated away with the rushing waters. I vowed that I would be strong enough to handle what ever happened to us next, I wasn't ready for that. The day the water had gone away was one rough day. People arrived by the masses to help our street, random people who didn't even know our name and people who were there when our names were given to us. I knew it wouldn't be easy but the amount of time it took to take out the walls in our home felt like a blink of an eye. For the longest time you could see the hurt in people's eyes when they found out that we lost pretty much everything we had before the storm hit but we didn't want peoples pity we wanted their respect.  We are survivors.